If I grew up in a dysfunctional family will I be a good mother?
This week I'd like to focus on some of the fears that I have heard from some clients coming to see me.
Some people are concerned that growing up in a dysfunctional or abusive family would mean that they would not make good parents.
There can be a fear that, unless we have learned good parenting skills from being well parented ourselves that we might replicate the dysfunctional situation.
In coaching, we say that, while the past provides a context for our fears, our saboteurs and who we are, it does not have to define us. I believe that if we recognise and reflect on how we might be as parents and if we are concerned about an aspect of our behaviour and how it might impact on others we are ahead of the game!
Sometimes it might be useful to explore difficult or traumatic childhood in psychotherapy before or instead of going into coaching - as was advised to the woman writing to the advice columnist in the article below. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/09/want-child-but-had-abusive-mother
I would recommend this particularly if you have never discussed this with a counsellor or therapist before. It's often important that we have a space to explore and reflect on difficult childhood experiences before looking at what we want for the future.
Many of my coaching clients who have this worry or fear have already done this with a therapist or counsellor and have reflected on their childhood experience and are now wanting a forward looking approach which helps them work out what they are really wanting and then, embrace this future without the fears and saboteurs that have been holding them back.
Some people are concerned that growing up in a dysfunctional or abusive family would mean that they would not make good parents.
There can be a fear that, unless we have learned good parenting skills from being well parented ourselves that we might replicate the dysfunctional situation.
In coaching, we say that, while the past provides a context for our fears, our saboteurs and who we are, it does not have to define us. I believe that if we recognise and reflect on how we might be as parents and if we are concerned about an aspect of our behaviour and how it might impact on others we are ahead of the game!
Sometimes it might be useful to explore difficult or traumatic childhood in psychotherapy before or instead of going into coaching - as was advised to the woman writing to the advice columnist in the article below. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/09/want-child-but-had-abusive-mother
I would recommend this particularly if you have never discussed this with a counsellor or therapist before. It's often important that we have a space to explore and reflect on difficult childhood experiences before looking at what we want for the future.
Many of my coaching clients who have this worry or fear have already done this with a therapist or counsellor and have reflected on their childhood experience and are now wanting a forward looking approach which helps them work out what they are really wanting and then, embrace this future without the fears and saboteurs that have been holding them back.
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