This is an excellent article which addresses recommendations by the Royal College of Obstetrics that women aim to have a baby between 20 - 35 years of age.

As the writer points out, this is all very well and good advice - but much of the problem lies with men, partners of the women involved who say they are not ready to have children yet.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/minette_marrin/article6544631.ece

More on if your partner doesn't want kids

This article appeared today on the subject of what to do if you want kids and your partner doesn't.

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/features/time-money/kids/sfl-parenting-decision-061609,0,2512372.story

More on freezing eggs for the future

Another article on women who are freezing their eggs for use in the future appeared in an Australian paper yesterday.

http://www.theage.com.au/national/putting-motherhood-on-ice-20090530-br3y.html?page=1

This is an option more and more women who are trying to decide whether they want children or not OR who do want children but do not have a partner are seriously considering.

Discussion on 'My partner doesn't want kids'

As regular readers of this blog know, a very common issue for women is when they do want kids but their partner/husband doesn't. There has been a very popular discussion on the Money Saving Expert on this very topic when a women asked for help on this very question of what to do.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1679195

I first work with clients coming to me for help on this issue through really exploring what it is they are wanting, and then, how they can best discuss and negiote the issue with their partner. Then, if their partner is still adamant they don't want kids, I work with my client on where they want to go now in regards to the relationship - which is a difficult and painful decision.

I found this article on the NY times post about how we make life decisions and life choices.

Although the baby decision isn't explicity mentioned, I thought that much of what the author says is relevant to the decision to have children or not.

http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/22/what-are-the-odds/?em

Discussion in Washington Post on Work/Life Balance

Well, it was very nice to have this blog referenced in an online discussion on the Washington Post's website!!

Here is the link to the discussion!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2009/04/08/DI2009040802704.html

I'm very interested in the discussion about work/life balance and how it affects parents. Of course, this is a key consideration to people trying to make the decision to have children or not - particularly women. Women bear the brunt of child-care responsiblities and face more discrimination in the workplace as a result.

My husband wants kids but I don't

This was a very good piece of advice published in the on-line magazine Salon to someone writing in with the above dilemma

http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/04/09/husband_wants_kids/index.html

One of the answer's the columnist gave was totally spot on - and pretty much how I approach coaching around the issue - to ensure that clients are connected to their authentic values, and how they want to life their lives, their vision - how to find meaning in their lives

'But in and of itself, not having a kid will not address the deeper question. The question is how to find connection and meaning in life, how to feel more authentic and more "right" about what one is doing. How to feel, like, yeah, OK, what I'm doing is right for me, it makes sense, I'm where I belong, doing what I was meant to do. '

A interview for Glamour Magazine and the gift of uncertainty.

Hello everyone - to regular followers and to new readers! It's nice to see from my stats that the readership is up - many people who are typing in various questions into Google around the subject of deciding to have children or not are turning up here and finding the blog helpful which is good to know.

I was interviewed a few days ago for Glamour Magazine as the expert on this subject for a piece they are doing on the decision to have children - 'When is the right time?' I did find it amusing to be interviewed by Glamour - being the sort of 'not-traditionally glamouress' type of person!!

They were structuring the piece in the traditional way - a sort of tick box list of things or ways you will know that you are ready - for example, how will you know when you are financially ready? How will you know you are emotionally ready?

One of the main things I did stress with the journalist was that it's really, really important for people explore how they relate to uncertainty when making this decision. Often, I see clients who come very stressed about the decision who are often very fearful of 'uncertainty' of making the 'wrong' choice. AND of course - it's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make!!! It'll change your life. Yes, of course, it is frightening. BUT,- it's a path that is fraught with uncertainty.

For example, if you decide to try to conceive, you don't know when or if you will conceive. If you get pregnant, you don't know how your pregnancy will go. You don't know what kind of birthing experience you will have, you don't know what being a mother to a newborn will be like, you don't know how you will discpline your kid, etc. etc. etc.

One of the scariest things about making this decision is that it's one of the decisions in life we actually have very little control over - we can't see into the future, we don't really know what is in sort for us, how our lives will turn out with OR without children. SO, I usually work with clients so they can see the 'gift' in uncertainty - even if they can't embrace it fully! It's like in other work I do around polarity - I encourage clients to try to hold the tension between 'knowing' and 'not knowing'

Well, anyway - the article will be appearing in a few months - I'll let you know when I have the exact publication date and I'll post a link to the article on my main website http://www.ticktockcoaching.co.uk/.

Men's biological clock

A great article about men's biological clock - at the end, the author points out how if men had the same worries of their biological clock, women wouldn't feel the pressure of worrying about trying to convince reluctant partners.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/magazine/05wwln-lede-t.html?_r=1

From the article is this quote:

'For decades men have been diligently discovering their feminine side, and couples have been announcing “we’re pregnant”; yet the hows and whens of having a baby are still juggled primarily by women. We are the ones who hold the time lines and calendars in our heads, who have to surrender space in our bodies and clear time in our lives. Too soon could derail a career. Too late could risk infertility. Becoming a mother means compromising with biology — “settling” for a mate or for single-parenthood or for an ill-timed career interruption — in order to beat that clock.'

Being a Godparent - an alternative to having kids of your own

Here is an article that appeared in today's Guardian:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/apr/04/david-waters-godfather

In the article, the man in question talked about how he had orginally wanted kids of his own but it never happened. He is extremely positve about being a goparent and the chance it gives him to be involved in the lives of children as they grow up.

More thoughts on getting pregnant by 'accident'

Another article on the phenomenon of women getting pregnant by 'accident'

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1162248/Kate-Spicer-getting-pregnant-night-stand-happy-mistake.html

As I mentioned before on the blog, while I can understand why some people would do this, I generally don't think it's a good idea!! There is of course risk of STI's with unprotected sex and, as anyone in their 30's trying for a baby will find out, the chances of falling pregnant after a one-night stand are not too high!!

Should I have a baby or a career? Advice column

Well, here is a bit of advice from the funny and irreverant columnist Lucy Mangan!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/mar/07/relationships-friendship-motherhood-career-advice

All I can say is that it's definately NOT an either or choice in my book - but, you will need to work out decent childcare arrangements in order to continue with your career if you have a child. Which isn't always easy.